Miracle pill?

If there was a miracle pill for lupus, who wouldn't take it? Especially if it cures lupus. The Human Genome Sciences and GlaxoSmithKlien have discovered an almost "miracle pill" for sle. It is Benlysta. It would not cure Lupus, but it will help patients. According to HGS, BENLYSTA is an investigational human monoclonal antibody drug and the first in a new class of drugs called BLyS-specific inhibitors. It is being developed for the treatment of antibody-positive patients with systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) by HGS and GlaxoSmithKline (GSK). If this pill was on the market it would help many lupies that are suffering.

On November 16, 2010, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) will hold a hearing to discuss the application to approve BENLYSTA® (belimumab) as a treatment to reduce disease activity in adults with active, autoantibody-positive lupus.
If approved, BENLYSTA® will be the first drug to be specifically developed for lupus and the first new treatment for lupus in more than 50 years. That's a long time for a new drug to come out to treat Lupus. It was a long wait.

While BENLYSTA® may not be appropriate for all people with lupus, having a new approved treatment for lupus would be a significant step forward and would provide a pathway for future approval of therapies required to manage a disease as diverse and complex as lupus.

xoxo,
Kat

Drained

I'm so tired and hungry. I want this semester to be over already! I am so exhausted. This morning I couldn't even get out of bed. I had to force myself to go to class (especially since I had a test today). I got home from school about two hours ago and I was suppose to catch up on my readings. It didn't happen. I need a break. I am physically drained. My body hurts. I think that I am getting sick too. I notice that my throat is a bit scratchy and that I am starting to lose my voice.

I am so hungry too. But I am too lazy to cook anything. I don't want to have to clean up my pots and pans. So instead I am eating peanut butter from the jar. I have no energy left. I think I just need to rest and get ready for this Halloween weekend.

I think that I am finally starting to lose the weight that I gain from the prednisone! Yay! I'm happy about that. I didn't notice that my face has gotten a lot narrower. I was surprised when I saw my face in the mirror. Thank god I don't have the moon face anymore. I just wish that my body would lose the weight faster like my face.

xoxo,
Kat

Dancing in the Rain

It's 2 AM and I'm still awake. I'm not even sleepy. I just love the sound of rain outside my window. It's so soothing. I feel like dancing in the rain with my umbrella (like Audrey Hepburn). But my neighbors will probably think that I'm a freak. I'm so happy that it's raining! California needs rain. Hot chocolate would be the perfect drink for a rainy day. I love rainy days. I love staying at home and just saying in bed with my mug of hot chocolate and a good book. Going to classes tomorrow will be a torture. I will have to try to stay dry. My rainboots and umbrella should do. Hopefully it's not pouring tomorrow. Because it is pouring heavily right now. I love hearing the rain tapping on my window-it will rock me to sleep later on.

I've been listening to Bruno Mars-Grenade and Rihanna-Only Girl. Grenade shows another side of love. He would do anything for her, all he asks is for her love but she takes him for granted, hurting him in the end. He states, "to give me all your love is all I ever asked." Only Girl expresses how a man should treat his woman. He should make her feel like she is the only girl for him. "Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love, Like I'm the only one who knows your heart, Only girl in the world... Like I'm the only one that's in command, Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man."


xoxo,
Kat

"Our Town"

This past Saturday I watched "Our Town," a play by Berkeley's Performing Theater, with Nastya and Josie. I decided to go since I wasn't able to study with all of noise at my place. We grabbed dinner then headed over to Zellerbach. Nastya said that the play was going to be funny. The play was very thought provoking. The opening scene, I knew that the play was not going to be funny. The narrator foreshadowed death at the beginning of the play. The first half was very confusing, there was so many characters, you didn't know who was who, they were always in a rush. I like the second half of the play much better. It was slower and the story was easier to follow. The message of the play is to enjoy life and to not be hung up on little things. It is also about living in "the moment." Because so many of us go through our daily tasks without really "living" in the present. Most of us are dead to the world and we don't notice the changes that are taking place in front of our faces because we are so absorbed within our own bubble. In essence we really aren't not living and enjoying every aspect of life. Life is beautiful. We don't see until it is too late. We take for granted people that are important to us. We are only left with our memories when someone passes. I am guilty of this too (not valuing someone/thing enough until it is gone). When I go home to visit my parents for the holidays, I like to silently sit and watch my mom in the kitchen. I often think to myself "where has the time past?" I start to notice that I am getting older which means that my mom is also aging. When we are gone, what is important are the people... not the empty house, the jewlery or money.

The director is very clever to show the first half of the play how absorb the characters are with their lives and how busy everyone is. During the second half of the play I was holding in my tears. Because you can't go back and change time. It is painful looking back at how your life use to be. I just learn to appreciate what I have more now than ever. I'm looking at life from a different view. I try to be positive most days by laughing. Everyone should take time out in the day to smell the roses, read a book, go for a walk, or indulge in good food. It's the little pleasures in life that people miss out on when they forget to experience life. They might as well be dead. Dead to the world. They are like zombies, living but not really "living."

The director successfully intertwine his support of gay marriage into the play. It was very clever of him. Afterwards, the girls and I went and got drinks at the bar. Why not? It was a Saturday night.

Because of this play, I know that everything will work out for the best (even my roommate troubles). I don't need to stress about it. I can finally breathe again. And continue to enjoy living in the moment.

xoxo,
Kat

Disappointment

I noticed that the last couple of posts I have sound pretty angry and it seems like I am putting girls down. But the reason for that is that I believe that the way a person carries herself says a lot about the type of person she really is. Guys treat girls base on how the girl carries herself (act like a whore, they treat you with little respect). I am really disappointed in some people and I guess I have been venting quite a lot on my posts. Sorry for the cynical tones..

I am so over underage girls drinking and acting silly. I feel so frustrated (referring to one of my roomies that's 19). I want to be able to converse with people on topics other that boys, sex, and getting drunk. I don't want to waste my life away on meaninglessness.. I want to be able to have intelligent conversation with people about food, history, politics, art, novels, life after death, etc...I believe that first impressions are very important. It sticks. So when you act silly and obnoxious when someone meets you, that is how they are always going to remember you.

I feel truly sad that girls put out for guys because they think that is the only way a guy will "like" them in return. Girls need to value their bodies more and respect it by not giving in to every guy that shows an interest in her. He is not going to respect someone that puts out on the first night. Instead he labels her a "whore." They just need to mature and realize that there is more to life than just partying.

I honestly believe that life is about learning. As a result I love to learn new things, and experiences.

I believe that I just don't care anymore because people always let you down. It's really sad that I am just over everything. Tired of all the drama.

xoxo,
Kat

Girls Girls Girls

Here is a poem that I came up with:

Foolish girls
act ditzy
play dumb
act kinda drunk
and them boys be up in your business

you think you're so fly
but you ain't
you think you're mature
but you're just putting on a front

acting like you're drunk
looking like a whore

I'm not surprised
when a guy loves and leaves you
cause you're just easy...

xoxo,
Kat

Drama

Ever been so mad that all you want to do is cry? What's the point of crying? I usually look horrible after. My face all puffy and swollen. I am just so angry that talking about the situation makes me cry...Crying is pointless. I thought that I left all the drama when I moved. But that is not the case. I don't even know what to say to her. How do you act normal towards someone that is not willing to listen? Instead I respect her decisions and kept my thoughts to myself. I had a lot to say, but what is the point of it when the other person doesn't want to listen to reason? Only my sisters can tell when I'm angry cause my facial muscles get tense and tighter around my eyes. She thinks that I am fine with her decisions. I think that she is being unreasonable and selfish. I have decided to be myself around her. I don't dislike her as a person but I just hate the situation that she created.

I know that there will be people that you don't get along with in life; however, you learn to deal with those people. It only makes your people skills better. You are going to encounter people at the workplace that you might not get along with or rommates that you don't click with. I think that she is still too young to understand this notion. She is so set in her mind that she is not willing to give another person another chance? That's really BIG of her. I think that she chose the wrong time to break her news, especially since this is midterm weeks for me. She has a lot of growing up to do since she is still a teenager(19). I tried explaining to her that she has to be more open to different situations and different people. Because we all come from different backgrounds. She hasn't learned how to adjust. She thinks that she has gone through a lot of things. Compared to me she hasn't.

My life wasn't all rosy like hers. By the time I was 10 I knew things that I shouldn't have for a ten year old, hung out with the wrong crowd and living in fear. I told her that she is letting the petty stuff in life rule her actions. I told her to block things out but she has a wall up that she is not willing to let down. I think that she is a coward for not saying how she really about my other roomie to her face. How do you expect someone to change their behavior towards you if you don't tell them that they are being offensive? I hope she finds what she is looking for because I sincerely don't think that she will be able to make friends with her attitude and narrow-mindness.

I don't think she realized that she created more stress for me. I can't even sleep. She drops this bomb the day before I have my midterm. I couldn't concentrate on studying because the incident kept on playing in the back of my mind. I think that she is being extremely difficult and unreasonable. My respect for her have gone down because people don't do these things.

I am just so disappointed in her...

xoxo,
Kat

Random Thoughts

Being honest is not always easy. I try being honest with myself at all times. To be truthfully honest I am tired of the whole party scene. I am so tired of dealing with college boys that want to get laid and freshmen girls that are stupid, dumb and just too easy. I am just tired of the whole scene. I see girls acting really stupid and guys taking advantage of the situation and it just repels me. The only parties that I actually go to are the ones thrown by friends; I do not go to any other parties on campus. I like being able to talk to people without being groped in public. Tonight I felt very disgusted and personally attacked because a guy grabbed my ass many times at the party. I also encountered incidents where I told the guys off that I did not want to dance with them. However one guy went in back of me and did the pelvic thrust and started to grind up on me. I was angry. I told this guy that I was not attracted to him and to back off. And then he pulls this shit? Really? I got so angry that I turned around, stared him in the eye and said, "Fuck off." I never got so angry that I had to curse at a guy for him to understand that "NO" means "NO." I only use profanity when I am really upset. This incident put me in a bad mood for the rest of the night. These guys just don't have any manners or respect. I am just so tired of everything (product of my stress and not caring anymore).

I feel so stressed. I can't sleep at night (and it's my fault). I think too much and worry constantly (keeping me awake until early morning). I think I may be experiencing a lupus flare (caused by stress). My rashes and swollen ankle have reappeared. My ankle is very swollen. It is at least the size of an egg. It's also very swooshy...My lower legs and ankle looks pretty puffy too. It is from the water retention (edema). Hopefully it will go down soon.

xoxo,
Kat

Sorry is NOT Enough

On October 1st, I read an article from the New York Times stating U.S. Apologizes for Guatemala Syphilis Experiment

And everyone thought that the United states were angels...

The experiment is very unethical of the U.S. medical research program. According to the Associated Press, American scientists intentionally infected prisoners and patients in a mental hospital in Guatemala with syphilis 60 years ago. They wanted to test if the drug Penicillin then relatively new, could prevent infection with sexually transmitted diseases. What makes this experiment so unethical is that none of the participants gave informed consent.

Strict regulations today make clear that it is unethical to experiment on people without their consent and require special steps for any work with such vulnerable populations as prisoners. But such regulations didn't exist in the 1940s (AP). Another reason why this research experiment is unethical is because it caused harm to its participants.

I feel sorry for those prisoners because the doctors let the disease run its course. Syphilis without treatment can lead to death with in a few years. If left untreated, syphilis can damage the heart, aorta, brain, eyes, and bones. In some cases these effects can be fatal. I am outraged that such research could have occurred under the guise of public health. It makes me sick to read that in Guatemala, 696 men and women were exposed to syphilis or in some cases gonorrhea, through jail visits by prostitutes or, when that didn't infect enough people, by deliberately inoculating them, reported Wellesley College historian Susan Reverby. Those who were infected were all offered penicillin, but it wasn't clear how many were infected and how many were successfully treated. Sorry is not enough for the people whose lives will never be the same because of these STDs.

xoxo,
Kat

It's Never Lupus

So tonight I caught up on House! I actually took a much-needed break from reading. I can't believe that I missed two of its previous episodes! House is actually one of my favorite t.v. shows. I can't stand Grey's Anatomy. It's too artificial to me (too much drama and it's not as realistic). I like House because they have to figure out what the patient have. Tonight's episode of House was interesting to me. Especially when they mention her suffering from pain, fatigue, light sensitivity, and depression. I automatically told my roommate, "That sounds like Lupus." Because I have experienced the pain from walking, body aches (not being able to put on clothes, so I usually slept in my clothes from the night before), extreme fatigue (can't concentrate, became forgetful), light sensitivity (rashes came out), and depression (during that time I didn't know I had depression, but looking back now I realize that I was a completely different person). Watching Alice suffering made me remember all of the things that I went through. It was difficult getting a diagnosis. It took over a year and a half before I was diagnosis with having lupus (I was wrongly diagnosis many times before all hell broke loose). However, once again "it's never lupus," on House.

I absolute love the dialogue between House and Alice about pain. Because it is up to the patient to decide to fight the pain and continue to live his or her life or decide to let the pain win. I personally have chosen to not let the pain affect me too much because there is a lot out of life that I have yet to live or experience. Yes, somedays are harder for me than others, but I choose to think positively about it. To me, giving up is the cowards way out. It is easier to give up than to continue each day in extreme pain (hence my love of staying in bed since I can't get out of bed sometimes). I think of people that are least fortunate than me and it confirms my resolve that I can get through the day.

I can't wait for next week episode of House!

Here is what happens in tonight's episode:

In the study in her Gothic house, Alice, the famous writer of the Jack Cannon series of young adult detective fiction, puts the finishing touches on her latest novel, then locks it away in her safe. She makes a little small talk to a teenaged boy in the room with her, and then acknowledges that he’s no more than a figment of her imagination. She opens the drawer to her desk and pulls out a pistol and holds it to her mouth. Just as she is ready to fire the gun, she has a seizure. The guns goes off early, just grazing her cheek. Upon hearing the gunshot, her maid runs in and Alice is rushed to the hospital.

House takes it upon himself to examine Alice in the Emergency Room because he is a huge fan of her books. After he accuses her — correctly — of attempting suicide, she tries to leave the hospital, but House has her placed on a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold. He calls the team in to examine her and then monitor her for another seizure. They find her an extremely unpleasant patient to deal with. Meanwhile House and Cuddy head out for a date that is actually an evening of poking though Alice’s house for clues. They talk to her maid and learn that Alice has been having a great deal of back and hand pain recently. They also learn that she eats several cans of tuna fish every day. House is unable to open the safe to find her latest manuscript, but is able to take the typewriter ribbons from which he hopes to suss out the novel.

Back at the hospital, neither Foreman nor Taub have seen any seizure activity. House arrives and shows them that Alice is sweating profusely, but only on one side of her body. Given all her tuna consumption, the team suspects that she has mercury poisoning, but the initial tests all come back negative. Nevertheless, House wants to go ahead and start her on chelation therapy while obtaining the definitive tests, but has Cuddy go in since Alice has asked for a female doctor. A short time later, after Alice fires her maid and makes snide remarks to Cuddy, she tells them she wants the male doctors back. When Taub and Chase arrive to set up the chelation, she reads Chase like a book. When she is asked to what she thinks of Taub, she remarks that he reminds her of her ex-husband and suddenly develops a severe headache and dangerously elevated blood pressure. Chase thinks it is a reaction to the chelation medication until Taub point out he hasn’t started it yet.

Alice is having symptoms of pain, seizures, and hyperhidrosis, along with episodes of elevated blood pressure. Mercury poisoning has been ruled out. Hemolytic uremic syndrome is mentioned but quickly dismissed. House points out that both of her severe episodes (the seizure and the high blood pressure) occurred at times of stress. He wonders if it may be an issue of excess adrenalin. This suggests the diagnosis of a pheochromocytoma (an adrenalin secreting tumor). The team tries to get an MRI, but the magnet in the MRI machine rips out the surgical screws in her leg — metal screws she had apparently deliberately not told the team about — causing severe burns and tissue damage.

House decides to try a different approach. He goes to Alice and tells her that she’s been going about suicide the wrong way as gunshots are painful. He offers her access to a painless lethal drug if she’ll cooperate with the team. She agrees, and when he gives her the syringe to hold onto for later, she immediately injects it into her leg. Of course, it wasn’t a lethal drug, but instead a sedative. It allowed the team to obtain a PET scan, and also allowed House to extend her psychiatric hold for another 24 hours. The PET scan is negative. However an ultrasound obtained the next day shows a pericardial effusion (fluid build up in the sac around the heart). To the team this suggest something viral or cancer. House takes a different approach, he looks at the character of “Helen” in her novels — the characters that he believes to be an analogue of her. Helen suffers from pain, fatigue, light sensitivity, and depression. When combined with Alice’s symptoms, these strongly suggest a diagnosis of lupus. Tests are run, which apparently are negative as they are never mentioned again.

Later, after Cuddy complains of seatbelt-related neck pain from an evening of go cart racing, House wonders if Alice is suffering from thyroid damage from a seatbelt injury from a long ago car accident — the same one that injured her leg. She gets angry during their discussion and develops suddenly paralysis - which doesn’t fit with House’s hypothyroid hypothesis. Taub suggests that she may have a trauma-related syringomyelia. The symptoms fit, but she is refusing any further testing or treatment. Finally, with some help from her old medical records, House is able deduce what happened. She has a syringomyelia from the accident, but more importantly, her son was killed in the accident, and she blames herself for his death. House tells her that she is not at fault for her son’s death — he points out an aneurysm on his autopsy report that shows he was likely already dead at the time of the accident. Relieved of the burden, she agrees to begin treatment.

xoxo,
Kat