Being honest is not always easy. I try being honest with myself at all times. To be truthfully honest I am tired of the whole party scene. I am so tired of dealing with college boys that want to get laid and freshmen girls that are stupid, dumb and just too easy. I am just tired of the whole scene. I see girls acting really stupid and guys taking advantage of the situation and it just repels me. The only parties that I actually go to are the ones thrown by friends; I do not go to any other parties on campus. I like being able to talk to people without being groped in public. Tonight I felt very disgusted and personally attacked because a guy grabbed my ass many times at the party. I also encountered incidents where I told the guys off that I did not want to dance with them. However one guy went in back of me and did the pelvic thrust and started to grind up on me. I was angry. I told this guy that I was not attracted to him and to back off. And then he pulls this shit? Really? I got so angry that I turned around, stared him in the eye and said, "Fuck off." I never got so angry that I had to curse at a guy for him to understand that "NO" means "NO." I only use profanity when I am really upset. This incident put me in a bad mood for the rest of the night. These guys just don't have any manners or respect. I am just so tired of everything (product of my stress and not caring anymore).
I feel so stressed. I can't sleep at night (and it's my fault). I think too much and worry constantly (keeping me awake until early morning). I think I may be experiencing a lupus flare (caused by stress). My rashes and swollen ankle have reappeared. My ankle is very swollen. It is at least the size of an egg. It's also very swooshy...My lower legs and ankle looks pretty puffy too. It is from the water retention (edema). Hopefully it will go down soon.
xoxo,
Kat
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