Keeping Vampire Hours

Lately I have forgotten what sleeping really feels like. I have been keeping vampire hours this past week. Every night, if I am lucky I will get 4 hours of sleep. I'm so tired, but it's so hard to fall asleep. When I do sleep, I don't feel rested when I wake up. I guess I just have too much on my mind with mid-terms, work, etc. I feel like a zombie going to class. It is so hard for me to get up and go to class. However at night I am wide awake and can focus. I find that I can barely get out of bed in the mornings because my neck, body and throat hurts so much that I just want to stay curled up. I think that with the medication changes, my body is still getting use to the adjustment. The HOT weather is not helping (especially with my rashes). I am so tired. I forgot what major fatigue felt like until this week. I can't wait until my midterm on Friday is over so that I can actually sleep. My ankles are a bit swollen, but I expected it. It is pretty sad that I can't function until 1pm everyday for this past week. I start to feel alert around 1pm. Every morning I have to force myself to eat, but sometimes I don't. Because my throat hurts and I feel like throwing up. Mornings are hard for me. I can't wait for midterms to be over. I'm so drained. Hopefully I can fall asleep...I can't believe that it's already going to be October. Where did the time go?

I am currently listening to Euro pop/house music. hahah... the song that I am currently favoring is Kato feat. Jon- Turn the lights off.. It's so catchy, " I said oohh...Come on baby turn the lights off"

xoxo,
Kat

Bon Appétit

I made sun-dried tomatoes pasta with chicken the other night. It was yummy! Ladies: a way to a man's heart is through his stomach! So you should all learn how to cook. hahahhaha...I am just joking (not)... For those of you that don't know how to cook, this dish is very easy to make. Just follow my instructions and you will be able to make it.

Ingredients:
1. pasta (any kind you want)
2. chicken breast
3. sun-dried tomatoes (any brand you favor)
4. broccoli
5. heavy whipping cream
6. garlic (clove)
7. oregano
8. garlic salt

First you want to chopped all of your garlic clove. Then you want to chop the sun-dried tomatoes into little slices. Depending on how many people you serve, you might want to slice 1 or 2 chicken breasts. You need to slice the chicken breasts into quarter inch cubes. You want to cut the broccoli into halves.

In a pot you want to boil water for the pasta. It is easier to cook the chicken and pasta at the same time. Afterwards, you heat the pan and add olive oil to the pan with the chopped garlic. You then cook the chicken, but you don't want to over cook the chicken. You add the sugar, pepper, oregano and garlic salt to season the chicken. Just eye-ball the measurements. When you see that the chicken is almost ready, you add in the sun-dried tomatoes. After a few minutes, you add the broccoli and cover the pan with a lid. This way the heat cooks the broccoli faster.

When the broccoli is ready, you want to add some of the heavy whipping cream to make the sauce more creamy (turn the heat to low). You then add the cooked pasta to the chicken, broccoli, and sun-dried tomatoes. You can add more garlic salt, and oregano to your heart's content if you think it needs more seasoning. Mixed them all together and serve it while it is still hot. Bon Appétit!!!

xoxo,
Kat

Food Addict

I am such a food addict. I love food and eating is the best part. I can't imagine beginning an anorexic. They are missing out. I love to cook when I have time on my hands. Lately I have been to lazy to cook, but I have started to cook again. On Wednesday night, I made fried rice for the very first time. It was delicious. It tasted exactly like how my mom makes it. I knew how to make fried rice, since I grew up watching my mom make it. I never attempt to cook it when I am at home because she always make it. It is very simple to make. The ingredients that you need to make fried rice are: rice, corn, eggs, chinese sausage, and shrimp. It is called fried rice; however, you don't fried the rice. It is more of a pan seared to heat the rice and blend it with the other ingredients. The secret to making good fried rice is: premium Oyster sauce. I usually use Lee Kim Kee's oyster sauce. People have the false notion that fried rice is made with soy sauce. It doesn't taste the same. The secret ingredient is oyster sauce. It gives the fried rice so much flavor and colors the rice the perfect brown shade. Fried rice is usually made with oyster sauce and not soy sauce.

xoxo,
Kat

Golden Bears

California and Arizona kick start their conference seasons tomorrow with a showdown at Arizona Stadium. The game between the two Pac 10 rivals is scheduled to get underway at 7:00pm PT in Tucson. The bears better bring their A game.

The Bears won their first two games of the season. However, they should not get too cocky. Especially when they play against their rivals because we have seen it all before-they lost. California started its season in fifth gear with 52-3 and 52-7 victories over UC Davis and Colorado respectively. The Golden Bears down shifted last Friday, though, with a 31-52 loss at Nevada. I love watching Cal football! I can't wait for the big game against Stanford.

xoxo,
Kat

Rashes, Rashes, Rashes

I guess, I jinx myself when I said that thankfully I don't have any rashes (I opened my mouth a little to soon)...Now I'm eating my own words. I noticed some rashes on my decolletage area. It's not much but I still see them. I also noticed some rashes on my arms today. =[ I hope my rashes fade quickly and doesn't last for weeks. But knowing me that probably means that they will be here for awhile. I will now need to cover up or I can just put makeup on it (but it doesn't really help so what is the point). I don't want people to see my rashes and think what does she have? Is she contagious? Is she a freak? NO I am not contagious, my rashes will go away on its own and other people can't get it from touching me or coming in contact with me. The part that hurts the most is when friends or people that I thought were friends think that they can get sick from being in contact with me. They don't know it, but their act of ignorance hurts more than anything. How do you think I feel? It gets pretty lonely...I can't talk to anyone. Sometime I just need a friend, a should to vent on, or someone to just listen...

I use to think that they understand; however empathetic they may feel, they don't know what's its like living with an auto-immune disease (my own body attacking itself). My family don't even understand; so, how can I expect other people to understand? Sometimes I forget and think that my relatives know what SLE is until they say something like, "So you are so much better now right? You aren't sick anymore. You are young, so you heal faster." I feel so alone sometime. There are times when I feel like I'm not being heard. I can't talk to my family about my symptoms because they think that I am exaggerating and I can't talk to friends because they can't relate. This is the reason why I don't call my mom as often as she would like me to. I actually avoid calling her because I feel suffocated by her advice on how I should take care of myself (especially pertaining to alternative medicine)...I don't believe in mixing western and eastern medicine...The last time I did that it was not a good reaction. It landed me in the hospital...

I recently joined a lupus online support group. These people know what I go through daily and they actually understand my struggles. It's good being able to vent to others that understand where I am coming from. It's sad that my twin gets annoy with me at times and she thinks that I am faking my symptoms at times (I can be melodramatic at times) ahhahah...I am laughing now, but inside my heart is breaking...I usually don't tell them about my symptoms because I don't want it to seem like everything has to be about me, me, me.

I usually tell my relatives that lupus is sort of like diabetes. You can't get rid of it. Once you have it, you'll have it for the rest of your life. You have to take your meds or there will be major consequences...I would know cause I forgot to take my meds before and it was horrible.

I've been listening to Inna-hot, Cheryl Cole-parachute lately...I can't get them out of my head. Parachute has become one of my new favorite songs. The lyrics to this song is so absolutely sweet and the meaning to this song is lovely. Parachute was written by Ingrid Michaelson for Cheryl Cole. Ingrid Michaelson is also another singer. She plays the guitar so when she performs it is a little bit different. When Ingrid performs Parachute it does not sound right because she doesn't have the euro-pop sound to her voice. Cheryl does a better job of the song in my opinion.

xoxo,
Kat

Debauchery Weekend

Just got back from Jocelyn's shit show...hahhaha...Let's just say that it was hilarious! We pre-gamed at our place starting at ten. I acquire a new nickname "The Tank" hahah because I can hold my liquor and beer.... I helped Jocelyn out with her drinks that she couldn't finished in her birthday cup...(mostly beer and barcardi 151)

After 3 sips of beer and a shot of barcardi rum, Jocelyn was good. Let's just say I was helping her out. The roomies and I got Jocelyn 21 shots for her birthday (that's going to last her like 5 months since she is such a light weight) hahahha... since she turned 21... Katya and I decorated the apartment. It would have been so much fun if courtney was here to join in on the fun.

We went bar hopping tonight for her birthday... Jocelyn was so out of it after she did 3 blowjobs... I had one blowjob and a maitai and felt nothing... (it kind of sucks not being drunk so easily) It just means that I have to spend more money...

I can't wait to go clubbing tomorrow in the city! It's been forever since I dirty dance!!! I can dance forever...

xoxo,
Kat

Remembering 9/11

Today is 9/11 and I have a bittersweet association with it. I can't believe that 9 years have passed by so quickly. Time really do fly by quickly...I remember that I was 13 when the twin towers collapsed. I remember being in class and being in a state of utter shock. I was in my algebra class at that time. When 9/11 happened I was devastated. My sister and I held each other and cried because I knew that we were going to go to war. My cousin was in the army at that time and I knew that he was going to be going to Iraq. I feared for his life. Thankfully he was only in Iraq for 1 year... I am so thankful to the soldiers that risk their lives to serve our country. I think that it is important to remember and honor all of the soldiers and civilians that we lost on that fateful day.

xoxo,
Kat

Before/Since Lupus

These photos are what my rashes looks like. It is very painful. It would start as a small patch then it would spread and become connected when I am experiencing a lupus flare. The rashes can stay up to six weeks (very attractive)...Luckily I don't have any rashes right now...

Before I had lupus…
I wore skirts and sandals
And shorts and flip flops
…OUTSIDE!

Before I had lupus…
I never shopped for sun protective clothing
Or worried about applying sunscreen to my hands

Before I had lupus…
I never thought I’d be wearing a wide-brimmed hat
I thought they looked pretty dorky to me

Before I had lupus…
I never understood muscle and joint pains
And what aching all over really felt like
I had never felt extreme exhaustion
I never felt so much anxiety, depression and mood swings

Before I had lupus…
I was a control freak
Not anymore

Before I had lupus…
I was smart. I never forgot a thing
I was efficient
I had never experienced the “lupus fog”

Before I had lupus…
I didn’t have splotchy legs, hair falling out
Or felt self-conscious about the way I look

Before I had lupus
I had never experienced harsh rashes
Or was sensitive to the u.v. rays
And felt physically sick from
The big yellow thing in the sky

Before I had lupus…
I was always on the go, and loving every minute of it.
Now I feel like a big lump who wants to sleep all the time.

Before I had lupus…
I didn’t have to have blood drawn or
Pee in a cup every 3 months
Nor did I have frequent visits to the ophthalmologist
To make sure the lupus meds weren’t messing with my vision

Before I had lupus…
I never felt pain in my lungs
When awaking on a foggy morning

Before I had lupus…
I never got winded
Just going grocery shopping

Before I had lupus..
I never appreciated the relief I was given
By May Gray or June Gloom

Before I had lupus…
I never had to tell my friends
“Sorry, I’m just too tired.”

Before I had lupus…
I enjoyed playing at the beach
Laying in the sun
Running
…FREEDOM!

Since I’ve had lupus…
I’ve learned to appreciate each
And every moment I’ve felt well
Because I never know how soon
That feeling will change.

Since I’ve had lupus…
I’ve learned to appreciate
On-line shopping

Since I’ve had lupus…
I’ve realized that it’s okay to ask for help,
Or cry when I can’t hold it in

Since I’ve had lupus…
I’ve made PEACE with it.

Since I’ve had lupus…
I realized that I am not alone…

Since I’ve had lupus I’ve put on weight from the meds
I can’t sleep no matter what
I can’t enjoy company
and I want to dance
I want to feel the rhythm
and shake without shaking from medicines

I want to laugh without coughing and gasping for breath
I want to put on a little make up
grow some more hair
and I want to stop being so alone
and get out a little bit without shaking
and hurting so bad I have to hold tears back
and I never want to take another pill as long as I live.

I want to skip along the beach, with the sand at my feet. I want to call a friend and invite them to an outing, and know I will not worry about feeling well enough to make that comittiment, when the time arrives. I want to shop till I drop with my girlfriends. I want to travel the world... I want to work up a sweat at a hard days work, and come home and feel like I've been productive. I want to hop on my bike and cruise the downtown, looking for flea markets and estate sales. I want to lay out in the sun, and get a beautiful tan...
I want to take off on a whim and go on a two week road trip… 
And most of all, I want hope for a treatment that will put myself and all my lupus sister's and brothers in remission.


xoxo,
Kat

Boys will be Boys

I survived my first week of school! I absolutely love my dutch class. But I am not in love with all of my reading assignments...I still need to finish reading around 300 pages tomorrow (very daunting)... It's kind of funny how these professors really don't think that students don't have a life besides school? I also have work besides school. I'm just trying to balance everything and not land myself in the hospital again.

I just feel like venting! Boys will be Boys! I forgot that college boys can be such douche bags. So today I received a text from a tennis player from CAL saying that the tennis house is having a party tonight and to drop by. Oh boy! My blood was boiling when I read this text. He signed his name at the end with Jonathan. In my mind, I was thinking who is Jonathan. Then I remember that I met him at the Athlete's formal in May when he was hitting on me with his girlfriend passed out in his arms. My first impression of him is that he is a player and a douche. I can't believe that his girlfriend is still with him (she's pretty stupid). Once a cheater, always a cheater. This is why I don't date athletes. They are such pigs.

Really? WTF? I am so mad. How can you treat girls with so little respect? I am NEVER going to be someone's booty call. I value my body too much to give it away to other guys so casually. I don't do casual. I have respect for my body unlike some girls. I sometime wonder when these men have daughters in the future, do they want their daughters to be treated like how they are treating girls today. I feel so disgusted and disappointed in boys in general...I guess they will just have to grow up.

I am so tired of going to parties...I have become a homebody... I like staying at home and drinking with friends. I rather socialize with people that I know and like. Whereas at parties, the guys really don't want to get to know you, all they want is to get laid. The guys really don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see girls as objects to use and discard (most of them don't even remember your name). I personally am at the stage in my life where I am comfortable with myself and I know what I want in life. I've always said this and I will say this again, "that I don't do flings." Because they are meaningless. I don't have time to waste on meaningless relationships. Why would I give myself freely to guys, when prostitutes are getting paid? I wouldn't give out freebies. That's just disgusting... I know my worth and I deserve better than to just be treated as a sex object. So I guess I will just have to be a bitch and call guys out on their bullshit.

It feels good to get this off of my chest. I have been in extreme pain this whole week. It's so bad to the point where I have been taking pain killers. I had to take three today since the pain in my right leg is so excruciating. I usually don't take my pain killers and just suffer. However I couldn't stand the pain this time around. Imagine walking with pain shooting up your leg and not being able to bend your feet. It hurt a lot when I put pressure on my feet. I have been walking with a limp today. My hands hurt a lot too. This is the reason for my lack of recent posts (swollen joints).

I really hope that guys learn to treat women with better respect.

xoxo,
Kat