How do you comfort someone that is dealing with grief? Miki, who is my best friend, is going through a very tough time right now. Her favorite grandma just passed away in Japan. Her baba passed away from pneumonia. My heart goes out to her because I know what it is like losing someone you love. My grandma also passed away from pneumonia about seven years now. It doesn't get any easier. The pain is always there. I wish that my grandma could have seen me graduate from high school, college, get marry, have kids, etc. The list is never-ending. I still miss her to this day. Miki and I knew that her grandma was very sick. We thought that Miki would have time to visit her grandma during thanksgiving before she passes away. However plans have changed. Miki won't get to visit Japan until this coming summer.
When I heard that her grandma had pneumonia it gave me the chills because my grandma passed from it and I was hospitalized because I had pneumonia. It is very painful and it takes a toll on your body. I was always cold and couldn't get warm. I lost quite a bit of weight from it too. I am happy to know that Miki's baba passed away laughing with her daughters around her.
The only thing that I can do is to comfort Miki. I know that she tries so hard to not let it affect her, but it does. I can't do anything for her, but to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to what she has to say, someone to cry with and someone to hug her. I will always be there for her. Especially when she can't be left by herself. Yesterday at night, Miki couldn't stand being left with herself to think and she didn't want to bother me. So she posted online that if anyone is free to get yogurt since she can't be left with her thoughts. I texted Miki saying that I am free. I want Miki to know that she is not bothering me at all. I want to be there for her when she is suffering and just needs a friend. Silly Miki. She thought that she was bothering me and she thought that since I am wearing a soft bootie it would be a pain for me to walk. I would always make time for her because she needs me (her family is not physically available).
Seeing Miki cry makes me cry too. The advice that I could give Miki is that maybe it is better that she can't attend her funeral. It would nice to be able to attend her funeral; however, I don't know how she will handle seeing her grandma cremated. For me, I was not able to handle seeing my grandma in her coffin, especially when they closed the casket and lower her into the earth. I was balling. I couldn't say goodbye. To this day, I would always wear sunglasses to the cemetery when I visit her because I cry every time. I cry for all of the things that she has missed out on in my life and I cry for our memories together.
What are best friends for? I will always be here for Miki in times of laughter and grief. She needs to know that she is not inconveniencing me. I would drop anything I am doing to be there for her. I want her to know that it's not silly that she cries unexpectedly. It is part of the mourning process. I think that it is healthy to cry and let out all of the emotions than to keep your pain bottled up inside. I think that it is great that the last time Miki talked to her baba, her baba told her "I love you" in English (her grandma is Japanese). That is one special memory that she will always cherish. Kenny and Miki were fortunate to spend this past summer in Japan with her. I am happy that she got to see Kenny's coming of age ceremony. Even though her baba is gone her memories will live on through Miki and her future children. My grandma will always be apart of me. You don't realize what you truly have until you lose it. So cherish every moment with your love ones because you might regret not spending enough time with them when they are gone. At least I still have one living grandma even though she does annoy me at times. I have to remember that she won't be here for that long and to curb my temper with her since she doesn't remember much. I wish that I had a chance to know my grandpas. I envy those of you that still have living grandpas (I never got a chance to know mine).
xoxo,
Kat
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