Mr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde

Lately I have been on a huge emotional roller coaster. I was like Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This is all due to stress and my emotional battle. One moment I would be happy and the next I would be crying. It was unnerving. I noticed that I was angry, and irritated with everyone. I had a very short temper. I did not recognize the girl I was becoming. I felt out of controlled-hopeless. I figured out that it was probably due to me forgetting to take my meds. I started to become sick and I couldn't get well. I even started to hallucinate. Now that was really trippy. The last time I hallucinated was 2 years ago when I was not diagnosis yet. Thankfully I don't feel as stress anymore. I actually remember to take my meds now. I noticed a huge difference in my fatigue, and personality when I don't take my meds. It doesn't help that I have been drifting in and out of life.

I have been drifting for a while now. Have you ever felt like you are drifting? Going through the motions but you are not emotionally there? Well I have...It is easier not to think about issues. It is nice to block out all of the emotional burden and just live. It is healthier to not dwell on the past. I have made peace with having Lupus. I understand that my parents love me, but they are STILL in denial about Lupus. It is hard to talk to them at times. Especially when they want me to take herbal "eastern" medication. They don't understand that there is NO CURE for lupus. I know that my mom did not mean to hurt me when she called me somewhere along the lines of "damaged goods." She is trying to look out for me and she does not know how. It hurts her to see that I am suffering.

I am finally at peace with everything. I am actually really happy now. The last post that I wrote was what I was feeling two months ago. Things are actually looking up for me. I got a Marketing internship. I'm so excited! I don't know how I am going to survive. I am still a student, I work, I am a board member for my club and I am also interning. I hope I don't bite off more than I can chew. I better not stretch myself too thin.

I'll remember to take my meds or Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde will come out to play.

xoxo,
Kat