Back to School

I had my first class today! It's only the first day and I'm already swamp with readings. Life of a college student. After four years you think I would get use to this. NOT. I only have one class today. It was really BORING. The professor speaks really slow and in a monotone voice-it just made it worse. I wanted to die walking to Cory Hall for my class. I'm not use to walking uphill for awhile now. I went to work after my first class and it felt good to be busy. It kept me from thinking too much...I am pretty excited from my classes tomorrow even though it's a Friday. I only have two classes on Friday. I can't believe that this is my LAST year at CAL!!! Hip-Hip Hooray! It's sweet and bittersweet at the same time.

I feel so old, walking on campus. I guess being a senior makes one feel old. The freshmen looks so young, naive and immature. In time they will become jaded and learn from their mistakes (if they actually mature). It still surprises me how some people never change and stays the same (for the worse).

I am tired after having class and work all day. I was on campus the whole day. When I came home my left feet started to hurt. Now both of my legs hurt. I have difficulty walking when I try to get up from the sofa. I hope the pain goes away tomorrow. I didn't overdo anything. All I did today was walk on campus. I took a painkiller, but it's not helping much. I still feel pain when I put pressure on my feet especially when I walk. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and the pain goes away.

xoxo,
Kat

Hello Arthritis, Please go away.

Why is it so HOT in Berkeley? I feel like I am dying! I can't really breathe. I have sweat dripping down my face and body. I feel sick too (have a pounding headache and my throat hurts). Great. This is just great. I get sick two days before school starts. This really sucks. I can already see it. I will have another date night with insomnia. I am so tired but I can't fall asleep in this weather. On top of being sick, I can't move my right hand. All of my fingers on my right hand is swollen and in pain. I can't even straighten my hand. Hopefully, the swelling goes down so that I am able to take notes for my class on Thursday. This sucks since I am a righty. Arthritis, please go away (I am already into much pain).

I could really use some ice cream right about now.

I finally gave in today and took my pain killers. The reason why I don't want to take pain killers is because I don't want to be addicted to it and abuse it. I take enough drugs already. Uhh...I want to shoot myself already.

On top of everything, some of my neighbors from the other building is playing music really loudly and I can hear everything that they are talking about. These inconsiderate people kept me up last night too. They were just as loud and obnoxious until 5 am this morning. I don't know how I am going to study when school starts. I guess I will just have to be a bitch and tell them to "Shut the fuck up." A person in my condition needs all of the beauty sleep I can get. I feel so out of it. I can't even concentrate.

So instead of resting, I'm listening to Nelly-Just a dream to block out my annoying neighbors. I'm glad that Nelly is back. I love this song of his.

xoxo,
Kat

Mia Familia

So my parents and sisters came today to visit me before school starts. I'm not going to lie, it's so good to see them. I didn't realized how much I missed them until I saw them today. My family is just so important to me. I am so thankful that they drove 6 hours from southern California to see me in Berkeley. Next time I will see them in November for thanksgiving!

I know that I laugh and say that I only miss the food from home, but really I do miss my family (even though I tried very hard to deny it). It makes me sad to think that my parents are getting older since I am getting older too. I use to think that they were invincible. But they aren't. Everyone dies sooner or later. Hopefully later. I don't think that I will be able to cope if i were to lose my parents. It saddens me that they are getting older. If only everyone can stay forever young...

I use to think that I was invincible (that I was not going to grow old or die). However, I got my wake-up call pretty early when I was diagnosis with Lupus. I now am trying to make my life meaningful. I want to be able to help others like me before I pass away. I use to be so scared of dying. But I am not any longer. I am scared of not being able to accomplish all of my goals before I die. I have learned that we only live once in this lifetime and that everyone will eventually die (either because of natural causes or diseases). So instead of worrying about all the petty little things in life, I tend to focus my energy and time on things that do matter.

xoxo,
Kat

Anise Almond Grappa Raisin Ice Cream

I had Ici for the very first time today! I mean saturday. For those of you that don't know, Ici is an ice cream shop on college. They have different flavors everyday. I got the Anise almond grappa raisin ice cream. It was perfect!! I can have ice cream any day! I can't believe that I never went to Ici when I used to live on college. Nastya and I are going back to Ici on Sunday for more ice cream. I am hooked after my first lick. I want to try the Orange chocolate ice cream next time. Chocolate and Citrus is always a good combination.

I will definitely take my parents and sisters to Ici on Monday! I am so excited since they are coming up here to visit me, drop off stuff and take the things I don't need home. Wished I had an ice cream machine so that I can experiment with different flavors.

xoxo,
Kat

Quarter-Life Crisis

It's 3 A.M. Why am I still awake? I guess it's just nerves...Too much on my mind lately. It's never good when I have time to think because I'll start to analyze and dissect every little thing in my life...I try not to think so much so I don't have to ask myself what it is I am thinking. And I tend to start to question my own questions, on and on and on...

I can't believe that summer is already over! Classes start next thursday! I am freaking out and it's not good. Every student has these thoughts right? This will be my last year at CAL!!! Woohoo! Better late than never. I am pretty scared. What am I going to do with my life after CAL? There are so many options, but I don't know what direction I want to go in yet. Grad School? Photography School? Business? I don't know. All of these fields interest me. I am just a mess. I am having a quarter-life crisis at 22! I feel so lost and confused... and it's driving me crazy. What am I going to do with my life?

I love having plans. I hate it when my plans are diverted like graduating a year later. This really upset me for a really long time. But I am finally learning to go with the flow. When I don't have a clear plan of what I'm going to do, I feel very disordered and chaotic (this is one of the major things that I stress out about). I plan to be very successful in the future! I'm very scared of the job market after I graduate. Hopefully I will get hired. I am also determine to bring awareness about LUPUS and being involved with Lupus somehow to help other people like me. I want to make a difference in other people's lives that have lupus. It's not easy or fun. Especially when other people don't understand you or what lupus is. I hate it when people say "but you don't look sick." Lupus is an invisible disease. I just want people to be better educated about Lupus.

I'll just have to take one day at a time. But I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty terrified of life after college. I should also enjoy my last year at CAL and try not to have a nervous break down by my constant rambling thoughts (like 2 years ago).

xoxo,
Kat